friend: i’m getting mcdonalds you want anything?
me: i don’t have money
friend: it’s all good, i’ll pay
when i lose a pen i just saw two seconds ago
TSA: are u carrying any firearms or explosives?
Me: *points to crotch* u mean this bomb pussy?
TSA: why do u always do this?
when you spell a word so wrong that spell check is like i dont know what to tell u man
remember when zack and cody entered a parallel universe
and london was smart
and maddie was dumb
and esteban was a woman
so basically they were their stereotypes
my blog will make you horny ;)
when there’s a group of your friends hanging out and youre like trying to join the conversation but dont know how
I’m relating to a turtle and an apple. IM RELATING TO A TRUTLE AND AN APPLE!
that’s a fucking tomato